Last week, we discussed the topic of being of service — helping others. But, what if you’re the one who needs help? Do you find it easy to ASK? Does it make you feel dependent? Whether or not you have fibromyalgia or a chronic health challenge, would you rather pull the covers over your head than reach out and ask for help?
To revisit last week’s topic, check out this Widen Your Circle of Influence post here.
This week, your task is easy. The following is a multiple (mucho multiple, actually) choice question designed to stir up your reaction juices. I’d like you to ponder the following.
Which answers resonate with you the most?
When I think of asking for help, I feel ….
a) Weak
b) Vulnerable
c) Lonely
d) Feeble
e) Angry
f) Sad
g) Anxious
h) Fearful
i) Resentful
j) Empowered
(By the way, there’s no “right” answer to the above question.)
How does asking for help
make you feel?
Do you feel more than one response from the equation above? I sure do. In fact, I feel a combination of several.
You may feel angry and anxious, or vulnerable and resentful. Of course, there are many combinations. But … can you feel weak and empowered? Can you feel any of the above listed responses and empowered?
What say you?
What do you think about asking for support? Do you find it easy? What about letting your needs be known in public? Do you feel there’s a stigma? Does it stress you out?
Chime in below and join this Rebuilding Wellness community conversation!
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Well, as I have reached my 6th decade and have married children and caring adult daughters, not all the ‘asking’ for help comes through begging anymore. My problems started in early 40s but I kept pushing as children were young and all grandparents on both side were deceased. I do depend on my husband a lot for driving but he loves to drive–that worked out well. I, of course, don’t know if I would have had a better life trying to take better care of myself back when I had so many responsibilities or not–I was so driven–nothing could stop me….so on, so on–like so many. Now that I have time and concentrate basically totally on me, I am hopeful for turning this around with help. But my new normal is still going to be way different than others. And that is still okay. I am living my life written in jello now instead of concrete. It is truly a wonderful place to be.
Love the “life written in jello” metaphor, Julie! How spot on for this stage of life. Isn’t it interesting how when we finally “grow” enough in maturity to know we can ask for help, that everyone is scattered to the four winds? Who do we ask? I think we adjust at every stage of life, and support each other so that we can feel confident in our “right” to ask for help. Whether we do it or not, is another thing entirely. I’m definitely NOT good at asking for help…
Thank you! I didn’t adjust very well to ‘the empty nest stage’. It was due to moderately severe health issues–inner and outer plus profound Season Affective Disorder. I am not looking forward to the winter and darkness yet the upping of Vit. D is working and may need to double. If we have something in place ‘when’ the illness/injury happened or ‘repressed memory’ came, then it is far easier to continue working–in my case child rearing and homeschooling. My job became healing–just intense healing. But I know God is pleased that I kept my hand to the plow to become more free. Time is closing in. If this were only the beginning. I will not rush or feel guilt. It has been what it has been. I do see great fruit blossoming despite it all. And I finally like myself and just about love myself completely.
Julie – sounds like a grace-filled journey and that’s an achievement in itself….
Sue, thank you for your encouraging words.
Sue, you did it again! I shared a post earlier this week “Asking for Help is Giving a Gift” (http://countingmyspoons.com/2014/08/asking-for-help-giving-gift/) that got some interesting feedback from many who just could/would not ask for help, because they felt it made them feel bad in some way or another. I’ve been working this year on changing my attitude about a lot of things, and this is one of them. I’m learning that I need to ask for help, not only for myself but for those around me. We all want to be of use, we all love to be asked for help (are willing to help others when we can), yet so few of us are comfortable giving others that same good feeling.
Oh wonderful, Julie — I’ll check it out! And, I hope others here do, too 😉
Sue, thank you for another timely topic for most of us whether we have dealt with or are dealing with chronic health issues or not. Asking for help can be a struggle even at the best of times.
At the height of my fibromyalgia, simply shuffling between my sauna, hot tub and bed was a painful challenge. No longer could I teach, look after my home, my beloved dogs or myself. Things were so dire that I was considering going to a nursing home where I was certain I would spend my final days in misery. Still I searched for help, trying anything and everything—both holisitic and medical that might help.
I felt frustrated, helpless and angry that I could no longer do the countless things that I once took for granted.
When I encountered those who questioned my condition suggesting that I: wasn’t trying hard enough to get well, was malingering or even exaggerating my symptoms I was both hurt and angry—often reduced to tears and self pity.
Thankfully there were those that I could count on for help. The biggest help was often a gentle hug, a compassionate shoulder to cry on and someone to simple talk to and take my mind off myself and my pains even for a few minutes. And for those dearest friends I will forever be grateful.
I am one of the fortunate ones who did find help, and thanks to the unique mind/body/spirit wellness work of Joy of Healing I have been in remission for thirteen plus years. I have much to be grateful for.
Thanks so much, Janet! Your words are beneficial to the entire community here!